Shayla Kayleigh Ann Wood

Shaylas’ story.

Now how do you begin to write the most difficult thing in the world? The one thing no parent
should ever have to write; a eulogy for your perfect baby. Well, start at the beginning.
Since I was a little girl of around 4 yrs old, probably before then, there is only one thing I
have known to be certain in my life. I was made to be a Mummy. It’s the only ambition, dream,
(and now achievement) in my life I’ve never doubted. The only certainty I’ve known. When you
ask most little girls what they want to be when they grow up they usually say a ballerina or a
princess, I always wanted to be a Mummy. On Mothers day 2008 my gorgeous baby girl Shayla Kayleigh
Ann Wood made this dream a reality.
The day I found out I was pregnant was the scariest and one of the happiest of my life. Seeing
that blue line appear after receiving a false negative just a week before was magic! I was unsure
of how my boyfriend would react as we had only been together a few months and he still lived in
Barnsley and I was in Gloucester. We spoke on the phone several times a day and every weekend he
would travel to Gloucester to be with me, but the week I found out I was expecting his dad was
getting married (on the 3rd of August,) so I was travelling up to Barnsley for a weekend in a posh
hotel. I managed to keep my secret through all our phone calls, until the weekend as I wanted to
tell him to his face and make it special (I also enjoyed it being MY little secret, just me and my
Princess!!) so I went out and bought him two cards, one from me and one from ‘baby wood’ who
would inherit the nickname ‘Twiglet’ (baby Wood ha ha!) until we learnt that our Princess was a
Princess!
I got to the hotel and we checked in and went to the room where I gave him a bag with some sparkly
paper in. When he opened up the paper he found my positive test results! His face was a picture!
Although surprised, shocked, scared, confused etc the main thing was he was happy and reassured me
that we could do this together (thank God!) Although I was only 6 weeks gone I couldn’t hide my
excitement! My parents were going away for their silver wedding anniversary the following day so I
text my mum a random message and added on then end, ‘oh yea, there was something else I needed to
tell you: you’re gonna b a grandma!’ Not exactly the way I’d always planned to tell them but
worth a chuckle, and I’m sure they had a better holiday knowing this! Within minutes of telling
my parents I got messages and phone calls from the whole family! How fast good news spreads!
Everyone was so happy for me as they all knew how much I’ve wanted this since I was little.
The first few months of my pregnancy were horrible!! Morning sickness has the wrong name! If I
wasn’t being sick I was feeling like I was going to be sick! And I’ve never been so tired in my
life! I turned into a pensioner; when happy hour becomes your afternoon nap, not drink time! But I
would do it all again in a heartbeat for my lil girl.
The day I first heard my baby’s heartbeat I will never forget, I was chuffed to bits! I have it
taped on my phone and now use it as my ring tone as I never want to stop hearing her strong
thump-thump-thump. Everyone told me she was a boy because it sounded like a train, but I knew
better! The baby girl I always dreamed of was inside me singing her own heart song already!
Next came the first scan at 12 weeks. It was a busy room that day, there was me and my boyfriend,
both my parents who had travelled from Kent and my brother in the room when Shayla had her first
pictures taken. From that first scan we knew she was shy. She had her hands up in front of her face
trying to hide from our prying eyes! We have one picture, from this scan, of her perfect tiny hand
waving at us from my tummy! This later became a theme for her, as if she knew something we didn’t.
She showed us this at her 20 week anomaly scan. When I went to the hospital again my entourage
were present! And again, Shayla hid from the camera, wanting her privacy, so much so that they
couldn’t get a clear picture of her head as she kept moving it in and out of my pelvis teasing the
camera! I had to go back a week later for a rescan, which thankfully, showed everything was fine.
The only part of her she was willing to let us see was that she was definitely a girl, I was
ecstatic; I was going to be able to use the name I had picked out way before she was conceived! The
scan showed that my baby girl was perfect (but then I already knew that!)
I can still remember the first time I felt her tiny body letting me know she was there (as if I
wasn’t already excited enough!) I was sitting in a kiddie chair at work and I felt like I had
driven really fast over a hill, the feeling you get when you ride a rollercoaster and leave your
stomach at the starting point! It was some more time for just me and Shayla nobody else could feel
her yet, just me (and that’s how I liked it, selfish I know!!) Then a few weeks later she was
ready to tell the world she was here, and let her Daddy feel her for the first time. He was so
excited he jumped off the bed and danced around the room like a pudding! From that first kick he
felt, she was a daddy’s girl. She played teasing games with us. Whenever she heard her daddy’s
voice every Friday she would flip out like a loon inside me! The only person who could get a
response when he was around was him. If I prodded my tummy she would stop kicking, but as soon as
Daddy put his hand anywhere near her she would flip out again! Daddy’s little performer. It
worked every time. Lying in bed in the mornings he would put his arm around our tummy and there
Shayla was, wide awake, if mummy moved his hand; nothing, daddy again; flip out. (She took after
mummy, being a big tease!)
The 21st of December was Shayla’s Grandma’s birthday, so we booked a 4D scan for the day after
in Kent. I was so excited to see a lifelike image of my girl I very nearly wet the bed as I was
being scanned! When we went into the room the sonographer tried several different positions but
Shayla was being stubborn as ever, still not wanting to be seen (I’m convinced she wanted to keep
her secrets!) she had both hands and feet tucked in front of her face! I could just imagine her
tongue poking out from behind them as if to say ‘ner ner, you can’t get me!’ So I was sent
away to empty my bladder and have a jump around to see if she would move, but no joy! We had to go
back again the next day. She had moved her hands and feet out of the way this time but was trying
to hide behind a big knot of umbilical cord! Buggerlugs so did not like being in the limelight!
Despite her best efforts at hide and seek we managed to get our beautiful pictures, and one thing I
am so grateful for is the DVD of her moving around inside me, blowing kisses, pouting, smiling,
drinking her water and looking happy. The only time I get to see my baby girl moving is on this
DVD. WHY??
The middle of my pregnancy was textbook, I felt great, had clear skin, I got my energy back, had
the shiny hair etc. Until it came close to my maternity leave starting. I’d had a chest infection
and numerous ear infections from Christmas onwards and was due to start my maternity leave on 22nd
February 2008. However, I became ill again with another nasty chest infection the week before. As
I work in a nursery with 3yr old children I was finding it hard to work, so my boss sent me to the
doctor, who signed me off until my maternity leave began. I was gutted at not having said a proper
goodbye to my kids, how stupid that seems now!! Worrying about work when my life was about to be
ripped into shreds!
The Tuesday after my maternity leave started I had a major nesting spree, I didn’t believe it at
the time as I still had 3+ weeks to go and they’re meant to be right at the end of pregnancy as a
sign labour is imminent! And I was still feeling Shayla’s frequent protests to my activity,
jabbing me in the ribs, punches and kicks from within! (God I miss those more than I can say) how
was I to know that a day later I wouldn’t feel her ever again?
I woke up on that evil, nasty, horrible day, the day my heart was torn into tatters, Wednesday
27th of February without a clue that this was my last day with my beautiful girl kicking inside me.
I finished off my cleaning from the day before and sat in front of the T.V trying to pass the
maternity boredom and playing with my belly which by now seemed huge!! (still not big enough, I
wanted a huge belly that still looks like a road map with stretch marks, I’ve only got a few tiny
ones! :’( ) Daytime telly is mind numbing, so I decided to play on the computer. After a while I
realised that I hadn’t felt the usual digs in my ribs from being sat in a chair and squishing her,
as if to say ‘god mam give us a bit of room will ya!’ but I was seeing the midwife the next day
anyway so I tried not to worry. I went to bed and rang Shayla’s daddy and told him that she was
pranking me and not moving. He reassured me that she would be fine and I was worrying for nothing
again, but I knew something was wrong. I tried to deny it to myself, but deep down I knew my baby
girl had left us. I had flashes in my mind telling me something was wrong, I just didn’t have the
same feeling of life inside me, I didn’t feel pregnant anymore. So all night I lay there poking,
prodding, swishing and moving my belly trying desperately to get a response. When I couldn’t get
the slightest kick I began to sob uncontrollably. Without it being confirmed yet, I knew, I began
to grieve for my baby before I knew for sure she had gone. Mothers’ intuition told me all I never
wanted to know. The next morning I got up and decided that I would get in the bath, as Shayla loved
the water and flipped out whenever I was in the bath I thought if this doesn’t get a response then
I’ll phone the midwife. So, I had my bath and still no response, this was all the confirmation I
needed, but I rang my midwife anyway who told me to just go to the hospital to get checked over and
not to worry as babies movement slows down later on anyway. I remember thinking ‘there’s
slowing down and then there’s non-existent’. I rang my mum in pieces and told her what was
going on. At this point I was so panicked she made me ring my brother’s girlfriend to come and
take me to the hospital while my mum and dad set off from Kent to Gloucester. I then phoned my
boyfriend who was at work in Barnsley and told him that I was probably ok (I didn’t want to cause
a fuss over nothing!) and not to bother coming down as my parents were on their way anyway. I’m
so glad he turned around and told me he was setting off there and then!
When I arrived at the hospital I gave reception my name and the midwife took me straight into a
room where she listened for Shayla’s heartbeat. Initially she told me that she had found it but
it needed to be monitored. I thought ‘that’s not Shayla’s heart that’s mine,’ as this was
faint and Shayla’s was always really strong and pounding. But she said she wouldn’t say unless
she was 100% sure, she wouldn’t give me false hope, still I knew better (as mummies always do!).
So I rang my parents and my boyfriend and told them that they had found her heartbeat but it needed
monitoring. The midwife then tried again to find Shayla’s heartbeat to attach the monitor but
then the midwife couldn’t find her heartbeat to monitor it, so she went to get her portable
scanner to find out her position. After scanning me for a few minutes and being unable to ‘find
the position properly,’ so she told me, she took me straight to ultrasound. I could tell from her
face she didn’t want to be the one to tell me my precious little girl had gone. As I lay on the
table in the scanning room I tried so hard not to look at the screen as I knew I wouldn’t see my
baby’s heart beating but I couldn’t help it I wanted it all to be ok, even though I knew
different. After 15 minutes of scanning me I’d had enough, neither of the midwives wanted to tell
me what I needed to know for sure, so I said’ there’s nothing there is there, you can’t find
her’. It was then I heard the six words that tore through the core of me, and ripped my heart
into tiny pieces, the words that no-one should ever have to hear ‘I’m so sorry, there’s no
heartbeat’. Here came the first of many ‘Mummy Meltdowns’! I sat up and just cried
uncontrollably, again! My poor brother didn’t know what to do he just grabbed my hand as I sat
there wailing for my baby girl that I’d lost. How can this happen when you want it so much for
all your life, and so close to the end? Only 3 weeks 2 days to go then she would be here and
perfect. I thought we were in the home stretch! I had just told my boyfriend and parents that they
had found her heartbeat, now I had to tell them our baby had died.
Once I could talk I grabbed my phone and called my mum, whose scream when I told her I’d lost
her first granddaughter I will never forget. It will haunt me until the day I die. I decided not
to tell Shayla’s daddy until he got to us, it had to be face to face, same as when I told him our
Princess was on her way. But I had to tell my mum, I needed my mum to know. I also called my best
friend Ann who lives in the lake district, when i told her she broke down too and the next day as if
by magic she was down with me when i needed her the most! (thank you mad Auntie Ann!!)
I was then taken to the delivery suite and told that I would be given a tablet to induce labour
then sent home to come back in two days. It was then it sunk in I had to deliver my little girl and
never hear her first breath or first scream! And on top of that I had to carry her around for
another two days! After what seemed like a lifetime my boyfriend arrived at the hospital. Everyone
else left the room, and I had to tell him that our baby girl had died, words I never want to have to
repeat again. I saw his heart break with every word I said and we just clung to each other for
ages, not knowing what else to do.
In the two days after being sent home, despite walking around like zombies in a state of shock and
disbelief, we managed to begin preparations for Shayla’s burial, I wanted everything perfect,
exactly what she deserved for being so perfect herself. We shopped for a beautiful pink dress, went
to see the baby section of the cemetery where she was to be put to bed and ordered her the most
perfect pink and white coffin to be put to bed in.
I returned to the hospital on Saturday 1st March 2008 to do the hardest thing I have ever done in
my life. I was told all about the drugs I would be given to start my labour and that it would take
less than 12 hours. That was a lie! Our Shayla was as stubborn as her mummy right until the end! I
had the first dose of tablets over 12 hours and I had nothing but niggling pains. The doctors were
unsure what to do next, as I should have been in active labour, but I knew Shayla would come in her
own time! So I started a second round of drugs on the following day. Sunday 2nd March 2008 was not
only my daughters’ birthday but also a bittersweet Mother’s Day. The day I gave birth to the
most perfect baby, and became a Mummy. I had the first 2 tablets of the second dose of drugs and at
3:15pm the midwife measured me at 3cms dilated. The next 33 minutes are a bit of a blur! Because at
3:48pm I gave birth to the most perfect beautiful little girl anyone has ever seen, and no, I am not
biased, it’s just the plain truth, non-negotiable and indisputable. No other baby could ever come
close to comparing to Shayla!! She had waited all that time, 25 hours from my first pain, for it to
all kick off in 33 minutes! 3cms to being born in 33 minutes I couldn’t believe it! Just like her
mummy says ‘I did it my way!!’ I couldn’t believe how she was a perfect 50:50 of me and her
Daddy! My chin and little ears, daddy’s little nose and hair colour with my waves!
The time we spent with her in the following week is so precious to all of us who were honoured
enough to have met and love her. We had her christened on the first night she was with us, with her
uncle Ryan as godfather and my best friend Ann and her auntie Allie as godmothers. We also got to
give her her first bath, dress her perfectly, cuddle, kiss, and hold her, tell her how much we all
love her and how much we will miss her…but it will never be enough.
In her only week with us she proved how popular she really was, she had so many visitors. As my
family is in Kent, Manchester and Blackpool and my boyfriends' family live in Barnsley! A big thank
you to all who came to meet our Precious Angel, Shayla. There was Grandma Dianne, Grampy Steve,
Auntie Allie, and Auntie Helen from Barnsley. And the Manchester and Blackpool posse, Great Grandma
Edith, Great Grandad Roy, Great Auntie Elaine, Great Nana Elsie, Great Uncle Ann (!), Great Uncles
Derek and Mark, and not forgetting Michelle who came down from Manchester in record breaking time
after work!!!
On Friday 7th March we buried our little girl a lifetime too soon, but in a nice baby section so
she can play with all the other angel babies and look after any more that come into her garden.
What I remember of the service was nice. I chose to play My Girl by the Temptations as her Daddy
carried her in (he was unsure of whether he would be able to do it, so I told him ‘I carried her
for 37 weeks, now is your turn to put her to bed!’ He made me and Shayla so proud when he gathered
the strength to do it!) The priest then mumbled something I didn’t understand, all I could see
was my little girls’ coffin when she should have been in my tummy, or in her lovely brand new pink
pram, or sleeping in her cot. I then played Baby Mine from the Dumbo soundtrack followed by more
priesty mumbling, then as we carried her out of the chapel to put her to bed we played Somewhere
Over The Rainbow, from my favourite film.
After the service WE GOT REALLY DRUNK!!! I thought we deserved it!
All the pictures we took and the precious memories we have will never be enough. So I’m a
greedy Mummy, so what?! I always want what I can’t have. The only thing I want is my, sorry, OUR
baby girl back in my arms where she belongs. It’s nice to have this way of remembering her and
telling others her story, but I don’t want to remember her I want her back in my arms, safe and
warm where she belongs. See greedy Mummy aren’t I?!

Love you forever, forget you never, sweet dreams Our Perfect Precious Angel Flower Shayla Kayleigh
Ann.